What Can I Do To Help A Loved One With Cancer?
Cancer is considered by many to be the ultimate disease. It strikes seemingly indiscriminately and in most forms it is terminal. Hearing that a close friend or family member has cancer is like hearing a death sentence passed on them. It’s hard to see someone we are close to struck down with an illness that it seems has baffled doctors and scientists for years. And it’s even harder to know what your role should become when it happens. You cannot take on the disease for them, and you may find yourself asking why it was them and not you. They may well be asking the same thing.
The first thing to do is to accept the fact they have cancer and deal with things in the here and now. There are a number of things that really don’t help at this point. Asking if they have got a second opinion does nothing. Speculating on what caused the cancer doesn’t help anyone. They have cancer, and what is important now is getting through it.
You need to be very considerate about how you talk to them. Ideally the first question out of your mouth will be “what can I do to help?”. Some people are tempted to say “You’ll be alright” or “It’s going to be okay.” No phrases will ring more hollow in the ears of a cancer patient. They don’t want empty promises about things you cannot possibly know. Quite simply nobody knows how the cancer will progress and what will happen. They don’t want your sympathy, but what they do want is to know that you will be there to support them in whatever way you can. Offer your help. Offer your assistance, and stand by them no matter what. They may take a course of treatment you do not agree with, and it’s important that you stand by them. Ultimately this is their fight, and you are there for support. But that doesn’t make your support any less important.
Finally, don’t forget the person and focus on the cancer. Remember the reasons you were friends before they developed cancer, and dwell on them. Don’t forget to laugh with your friends and bring enjoyment into their lives. Don’t forget that this is still a real person and they are not dead yet. People are either alive or dead, and it certainly doesn’t help a person who is alive to treat them like their death is a forgone conclusion.
A diagnosis of cancer need not be the end, you can treat it and beat it.